It Could Be Worse But It Also Could Really Be Better

Things I'm excited about:
1. My trip to Florida for Thanksgiving
2. The Magic City Misfits bout this Sunday
3. Having a three day weekend
4. Sleeping in over previously mentioned three day weekend
5. Two new books I got for $0.99 each
6. My mom coming up for a long weekend in October

Things I'm not really excited about:
1. Being at work
2. Being single
3. Having former lovers try to persuade me it would be a good idea to have casual sex with them
4.  My mom being in Florida
5. All the email I've been getting lately

I don't know why I've been so blah lately. I still miss my mother a lot. And work has just been...frustrating for lack of a better word. I'm constantly interrupted and new things are always being added to my plate. I wouldn't have much problem with this except that these things always need to be done now so I constantly have half finished things while something else takes priority. Many of these things don't actaully need to be done "right now".

Being single isn't terrible and it's actaully kind of nice.  It's just my interactions with potential people are annoying and frustrating which is why I like being in a relationship if for no other reason than to not have to navigate the treacherous waters of the dating world.  Are they interested or are they not? What exactly is it that they're interested in? I'm not that great at reading signals and even when I think I am or someone helps me out I still crash and burn. I try not to think about it too much.

My mom sends me pictures just about every day with my niece's latest activities/exploits. It's pretty hilarious.  L already has a defined personality and it's so great to see how she interacts with the world around her.

Still no roommate but I haven't been looking very hard (or really at all). If it happens, it does. If not, oh well.

It's not quite fall yet but as is usual in Arkansas the weather hasn't quite made up it's mind yet. I think it's about to be camping time. It just need to cool off a bit first. 

Keeping the past where it belongs

Today I had lunch with B. I haven't seen him in over a year (since the Ice storm of 2009 actually). We'd been on-again off-again lovers for almost two years. My usual story- I had feelings for him and he didn't have feelings for me but we kept on. I'm not sure what made me finally break it off but I'm glad I did. I've come a long way in the last year and I can't believe I stayed as long as I did. We didn't even start talking again until a month or two ago. I was unsure about how wise that was but did it anyway. Today when I saw him, I felt nothing. No attraction, nothing. It was awesome. The conversation was a little awkward at first but then fell back into our usual pattern of giving each other a hard time. Anyway it was nice to have a bit more closure.

In other news C and I have started hanging out again and it's not very weird. We had lunch last Friday and it was a little awkward at first but we're good now. We hung out Saturday before and after the game. Speaking of the game....I got Blocker MVP!!! I never get stuff like this and it was a nice boost. We defeated COMO 200 to 106. They do Blocker and Jammer MVP's. Usually there's just one MVP and a jammer always gets it. I like their system and hope we will continue to use it.This weekend we're headed to New Orleans to take on Big Easy Rollergirls. Our record with the is 2-0 and hopefully that will continue. Super stoked!!!

Some things still make me crazy and I wish they didn't but there's not much I can do about it except deal with it. And they also bring up the things that I'm most insecure about, which are mainly my body and will I ever find someone who feels the same way about me that I do about them.

Mom and I are going to visit my sister-in-law and niece in Florida in 3 weeks!!! Super excited. I'm fien with doing nothing but spending time with them and hanging out on the beach.

Funny tidbit

So there's this married guy who has the hots for me, R. I was super attracted to him.....before I found out he was married. I won't lie, I kissed him a few times and felt semi terrible but I haven't seen him in months. I'm glad he lives in a different town. I saw R Sunday night and he asked how my boyfriend was. I told him that I broke up with E because he didn't ever want to get married or have kids again and those were deal breakers for me. He asked why I didn't stay with him because maybe he'd change his mind. So I said "that would be like me fucking you and hoping you would divorce your wife". He didn't have much to say after that. Muah!

Not everything is black and white

So I reading this article about lesbians and sexuality and a bunch of other stuff and it got me thinking. A lot of people think of sexuality in absolutes. You're either straight or gay and the people in between (who may or may not identify as bisexual) are "confused" or something. This is super annoying to me. I blogged about this a few months ago but I have a crush on a friend and she has a crush on me and so I started thinking about it again. Most people assume I'm straight and I let them because it's easier and my sexuality is no one's business and I really don't want to have that discussion with most people. M and I had a conversation several months ago about the fluidity of sexuality. I know women who always considered themselves straight until they met a woman they were attracted to.  I know men who were married to women and have kids and are gay. I consider myself bisexual but I kinda really hate that word and the connotations that are associated with it. I don't know who I'll end up spending the rest of my life with. It may be a man, it may be a woman. I just want someone who thinks I'm awesome, amazing and wants to spend the rest of their life with me.

What Brings You To The Big O?

What Brings You To The Big O?

This article is really great! I think some guys do know how things work but alot of them don't. Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. They act like it's personal if they can't get you off. Usually it's not. If I'm not alone there's no telling what will work. Some things work with some people and not with others. There's no sure fire way for me. That doesn't bother me though. I think for men, the be all end all is the orgasm and that's just not true for most women. Some of the best sex I've ever had did not involve me having an orgasm. Anyway just thought I'd overshare a bit this morning.