Where's My Green Zebra?

I was talking to my mom today about some young guy who's after her. If you know me in real life, then you know that my mother tends to date younger, while I tend to date older. This is in no way on purpose on our parts, it's just how it happens.
Anyway, I told her that at least someone was after her, whereas I haven't really been hit on in I don't know when. C says that I tend to be pretty oblivious to when someone is interested in me, cause she's seen it happen. But at the same time, if they don't have the balls to ask me out or anything, do I want to date them anyway? Probably not, but it would at least be nice to be asked. So mom said that it wasn't me (which I know) but that Fayetteville was the Bermuda Triangle of dating. And you know, I have to really agree with her. It's not that way for everybody but for me, definitely. And it blows.

So I wrote the above yesterday when I was feeling kinda not so great. I'm feeling better now. This article is really great and really spoke to me- http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-dater-x-rewriting-the-story/

I've been more single than not for the last few years and while I've dated some people that have potential, I've learned so much from all those relationships that didn't work out. Like what I really want in life and love and what I will and will not put up with. It's easy to be complacent but very hard to truly look deep inside yourself and acknowledge what you want and need and deserve. Especially for me because I think in some ways I'm not deserving of something amazing. Yes, I want to fall in love and make babies and have a happy little life (and yes I know it's not that simple) but at the same time, I have learned so much about myself that I wouldn't trade for anything what I've gone through because it's made me so much better as a person. I definitely have a different perspective on men and women and relationships. It's hard for me to just let things happen because, like the control freak that I am, I like everything to go the way it's supposed to go (which is my way in case you didn't know). I've really just now settled in to myself and I'm enjoying it. I would prefer to find my green zebra sooner rather than later but I just keep reminding myself that I have plenty of time.

Three Day Weekend.....Though It Seemed Like 5 or 6 Days

Unfortunately the Magic City Misfits lost to the St. Louis Gatekeepers but it was a really good game nonetheless. The officiating staff left much to be desired. It would help if the refs could keep up with the skaters. All in all it was a derby-ful weekend with LOTS of time spent at the rink. The Misfits are awesome skaters and people and I can't wait to see them play again.

I have a hard time accepting compliments from people in general, men in particular. I'm not entirely sure why. I guess some people I just don't take seriously? It also doesn't help when these compliments come from men who are otherwise unavailable. I mean, I know I'm beautiful but I guess it just doesn't carry the same weight as if some semi-attractive single guy told me. It probably doesn't help that dating in the 'ville is really not that great. I don't meet many "new" people because I've lived here along time and run with a certain group of people. I also don't do much besides work and derb. Maybe I need a new hobby that gets me out of the house. I think much of this goes hand in hand with me thinking that I'm alot of work as far as being a friend and romantic partner. I'm not sure how this got instilled in me but it sure has held fast in my psyche. People tell me this is not really the case but I don't really believe them.

Fall is finally actaully here. Temperatures in the 70's, the air feels a little chilly but there's some bright sun to warm you up. I think some camping should be in the works sometime soon :). Also: chili.

It Could Be Worse But It Also Could Really Be Better

Things I'm excited about:
1. My trip to Florida for Thanksgiving
2. The Magic City Misfits bout this Sunday
3. Having a three day weekend
4. Sleeping in over previously mentioned three day weekend
5. Two new books I got for $0.99 each
6. My mom coming up for a long weekend in October

Things I'm not really excited about:
1. Being at work
2. Being single
3. Having former lovers try to persuade me it would be a good idea to have casual sex with them
4.  My mom being in Florida
5. All the email I've been getting lately

I don't know why I've been so blah lately. I still miss my mother a lot. And work has just been...frustrating for lack of a better word. I'm constantly interrupted and new things are always being added to my plate. I wouldn't have much problem with this except that these things always need to be done now so I constantly have half finished things while something else takes priority. Many of these things don't actaully need to be done "right now".

Being single isn't terrible and it's actaully kind of nice.  It's just my interactions with potential people are annoying and frustrating which is why I like being in a relationship if for no other reason than to not have to navigate the treacherous waters of the dating world.  Are they interested or are they not? What exactly is it that they're interested in? I'm not that great at reading signals and even when I think I am or someone helps me out I still crash and burn. I try not to think about it too much.

My mom sends me pictures just about every day with my niece's latest activities/exploits. It's pretty hilarious.  L already has a defined personality and it's so great to see how she interacts with the world around her.

Still no roommate but I haven't been looking very hard (or really at all). If it happens, it does. If not, oh well.

It's not quite fall yet but as is usual in Arkansas the weather hasn't quite made up it's mind yet. I think it's about to be camping time. It just need to cool off a bit first. 

I'm missing things in my life

So apparently summer decided to take a nose dive straight into the nasty part of fall weather. I don't like cold weather at all but I do enjoy fall. Those cold mornings and warm sunny afternoons with the crispy smell of leaves in the air. Instead we have chilly, damp, rainy weather. This does not a happy Camille make. I like weather that you can wear a scarf with short sleeves and boots with no tights. Leaves are falling off trees but it's more because the heat killed them, then the slow slide towards winter.
I'm not much of a cheerful person in winter and this weather doesn't help me at all. Work has finally slowed down a bit so I can now take a deep breath. There may be some changes in the works but we'll see about that.
I miss my mom. I miss M and I miss J. I think it's partly just the time of year but also that I just miss some of my very favorite people. Just talking with them and spending time with them. This kind of weather makes me maudlin.
I still think C and I breaking up was the best decision though it makes me a little lonely. Some people are better as part of a couple and I think I'm one of those. I'm not saying I can't be happy alone because I can and have. I just do a bit better when I have someone to compliment me.
On the derby front- we're doing a private bout for Kraft Foods; there's a men's bout the week after that; and NWARD is otherwise gearing up for our 2011 season.
I need a roommate- who wants to live with me?

who what?

So...............C and I broke up. Again. For good this time I think. It was a mutual decision, based mainly on the fact that we weren't giving each other what we needed to be in a happy healthy relationship. We do love each other but it just wasn't working for us. We are committed to our friendship and I do think that we will be able to remain good friends. I think I'm a better friend than I am girlfriend. I do have to say that I've learned a lot about myself and my relationship patterns and hopefully in the future I'll be able to put what I've learned into practice in an effective manner. Oh single life, I both love and hate you.

My mom is heading down to FL for a few months to help take care of my niece. I'm SO jealous cause she'll be a 20 minute drive from the beach and because she'll get to spend time with L who is the most adorable child. I'll also really miss my mother. We have our ups and downs but are pretty close regardless. My brother should be back from Iraq by the end of the year. Contrary to what they're saying in the news, all combat troops are NOT out of Iraq. Actual troops in combat yes, but all troops that do combat, no. Grrr.

School started Monday at the UA. I have a love hate relationship with that. Canoeing Labor Day weekend, hopefully a trip to STL in September, and then MS and maybe Fl sometime this fall. Staying busy keeps me out of trouble :)

Halfway Across the Country and Back Again

So by now most of you have heard that I was in a car accident last week. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me.

Last Thursday I was on my way to Memphis to catch a bus to Philadelphia to perform at the SGI-USA East Territory Youth Culture Festival. I stopped in Conway to pick up two people- P and E. A few miles outside of Lonoke, my tire blew out. I attempted to pull over to the side of the road. The shoulder was a downward slope before it dipped up again. As we went down the shoulder, the my car flipped a few times. Thankfully we were all wearing our seatbelts. E was fine. He handled it the best out of all of us actually. I was hysterical but otherwise okay. P had to be pulled from the car and was bleeding from her head. I don't know the people were that stopped but I am very grateful that they did. After several men managed to get P out of the car, an ambulance and the police were called. I cried on a strange man's shoulder and tried not to hyperventilate.

We all rode together in the ambulance and E's mom and a few MD and WD members met us at the hospital. E and I were fine but it was obvious P was not. The hositpal in North Little Rock was not very efficient and after spending several hours waiting in the ER, E and I decided to leave without being seen.

SGI had arranged a flight for E and I  to Philadelphia since we had missed the bus in Memphis. We arrived in Philadelphia late Friday night. I had decided that because of my obstacles in getting to the festival, that I was going to have the best time that I possibly could. I like to think that I did. I met some old friends and new friends. I really had the most amazing time. I was in chorus and I have to say I didn't ever think I could sing as well as I did this past weekend. I was truly inspired by the people around me and my surroundings. I got to spend some time downtown and see the Liberty Bell and eat some delicious Indian food. Monday I opted to take a later flight since mine was oversold and ended up missing my connection in Memphis and spending the night there. I finally got back to Fayetteville on Tuesday morning.

P was released from the hospital on Monday with a staples in her head, a sprained elbow, and a bruised nerve in her neck that makes her arm go alternately numb and tingly. Overall she's doing fairly well and everything should heal with time. My mom was laid off a few weeks ago and has plenty of free time so she went down to Conway to take care of P for a few weeks. I've known P since she was 8 and I was 14. She's like the little sister I never had. I know that I can't let myself feel guilty because the accident wasn't my fault but I do feel guilty that she was injured under my care. I love her to pieces and I'm glad that she will be okay.

My insurance will not cover me getting a new car or anything so I will be without a car for who knows how long. I will be getting a bike soon though so that should help. Hopefully my insurance will cover most if not all of P's medical bills.

My birthday is in a week and I'm rather looking forward to it. I'll be 27, firmly into my late 20's. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing for my birthday yet but that's okay.

Check out my fb for pictures of my car and trip.

Could it be any hotter?

And yes it could be hotter but it's pretty hot right now. Not much going on here. Spending time with my lady. Working. The derb. There's been a bit of drama but hopefully that's all done with. We're reformatting teams and other stuff for next season. Should be interesting.

I'm heading to Philadelphia this weekend for the SGI East Territory Youth Festival. I think it'll be alot of fun. I'll get to see some people I haven't seen in a few years.

My birthday is in three weeks! Well more like two and half weeks. I love my birthday. It's the one day that's really all about me. I have no qualms about getting older because I just get better with age.