Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Where do we go from here?

So I know I don't have any right to say this really since I broke up with her- but I miss my friend. I don't miss the relationship and I still firmly believe it was the best decision for both of us. We're not really talking right now cause she's dealing with things (mostly me) not that I can blame her. I'm not an easy person. But I do miss discussing my day and just hanging out with someone who's become a good friend over the last year.

Tonight at practice I was feeling kind of, oh I don't know, distant maybe? kind of secluded from the league. I get to feeling this way on occasion, like I'm on the outside looking in. I'm not entirely sure why. I've had some moments since M left but C kind of helped with that. I just sometimes feel like if I wasn't there, no one would miss me, even though I know that's not true. Maybe it's just because it's hard for me to form close friendships and I don't feel like I really have that with anyone on league right now.

I've realized that I have issues separating physical closeness, intimacy, sex, lust, and infatuation. It kind of makes me not trust myself. I've decided to take a break from being involved with anyone for.....awhile. Time for a little self reflection.