Monday, November 30, 2009

What goes up must come down

Last weekend I was at E's house and someone called and referred to him as my boyfriend and I was all "he's not my boyfriend.....really". After I got off the phone, I asked him if he minded if I referred to him as my boyfriend. He said no. Since we were having that conversation, I figured I'd ask why he got divorced because I never had and didn't want to dig too much too soon. I won't spill all his personal business but the long and the short of it is that he never wants to have kids or get married again. This in NO WAY works for me. These are serious deal breakers. I think he's more afraid of getting hurt again then anything else but I'm not going to stay in a relationship with someone and hope that they change their mind about something so important.

After I left his house, I called my mom and cried my eyes out on my way home. I'm not in love with him....but I think I could be at a later point in time. I REALLY like him. And I really hate all of this. I've been working on making myself more vulnerable but dammit I hate being hurt. It kinda makes me want to swear off dating or relationships or anything. Which I know isn't reasonable. But I'm not exactly feeling rational at the moment.

I am not going to settle and I deserve to have what I want. Which is someone who could see being with me long term and for me that includes marriage and children. When we first started dating, he said he wasn't looking for something casual. I guess he meant serious but not that serious? I really don't even know.

Anyway I'm still not entirely sure how this will all end up. With the holiday and all we haven't had a chance to sit down face to face but that is coming soon.............

Friday, November 20, 2009


Today is my last day at work for a whole week. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm not burned out exactly, just ready for some me time. Sleeping in, dressing sloppily, and spending time with my family. Then I just have to make it for another 3 1/2 weeks before I get a week & 1/2 off which will include 5 day in NY with M. Can't wait! I haven't left Arkansas in much too long.

Last night I made potato soup for E and I to have for dinner tonight. I also made some lemon coconut cookies by request. I still have dough for another few dozen. Not sure when I'm going to do that.

Next week I'll be doing a TON of baking. Still haven't decided on my dessert menu yet. So far it looks like carrot cake, fruit cake cookies, and apple pie. I'll probably be do pound cake and banana bread but I'm not sure if I'll do anything else. Depends on how much energy I have :) Maybe another pie?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Work what?

Some days, like today and most of this week actaully, I just don't feel like working. I'm the kinda person who needs to be kept busy so I have very rarely have NOTHING to do but I would like it if one of those things was not work.

I really like crafty things. I made my Halloween costume, I made a headpiece for S's wedding, I can sew decently, I've recently learned to crochet, I make jewelry, and when I was younger I used to paint. Quite alot in fact. Two things my parents never had a problem buying me when I was a kid were books and art supplies. I haven't painted in a few years for no particular reason thought i still have some paint and my favorite paint brushes. Here recently I bought some paint (Liquitex acrylic) and last night I went and bought some canvas. So I would really rather be at home painting today. I have ideas in my head that need to come out. I'll also probably need some more canvas or some cardboard or something soon.

I'm looking forward to this evening. E is joining us for wings at Lucky Luke's. Mmmmmm....a man that I like, friends, and good food. A girl couldn't ask for more.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Random pieces of my life

This past weekend I met most of E's family and some of his good friends. It was interesting. And nice. They seemed to like me and I liked them. I was a little nervous but for no reason. Things are rolling right along though maybe not as slow as I was trying for but I think that's okay. Can I just say again how much I really like this guy? He's adorable, funny, smart, sweet......and he's super into me.

Our dogs also met for the first time and they get along. I was a little worried....Gizmo gets along with most dogs but that fight she had when I went camping has made me a little more cautious. E has a dog door and a fenced back yard which Gizmo loved! I really wish I had a fenced yard to offer her. I know she must get bored sometimes at home especially now that Iris is gone.

Sunday we went up to Bentonville and had lunch at Aroma, this Indiana & Pakistani restaurant. It was SO good. I haven't had good spicy Indian food in awhile.
Afterwards we stopped by Sephora and I got some new hair products. There's this stuff called Carol's Daughter that's made from natural ingredients and is geared specifically towards black hair. And they have it in NWA! I really like it so far. My hair looks great and smells good. I think I'm going to buy some more of their products in the future. They also make bath and body stuff and Sephora carries most of their full line.

I bought my ticket to visit M in New York for New Year's. I'm so excited! Mostly to see my best friend of course but also just to take a trip. I'll be there for 5 days, Tuesday through Saturday. Enough time to eat some yummy food, go to some museums, and maybe do a tiny bit of shopping. Oh and prolly fall in love with the city all over again.

My brother's family will be here in less than two weeks! And I've taken the week off to spend with them. I never minded my family living all over the place but as I get older, I kinda wish we all lived closer, at least within a few hours drive. We'll see.

Work's been a little crazy but nothing too bad. It's just that time of year. If I can make it through the next week and a half I'll have an entire week of vacation to spoil myself.

So close yet so far away.......

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Unadorned blackness 5

What Brings You To The Big O?

What Brings You To The Big O?

This article is really great! I think some guys do know how things work but alot of them don't. Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. They act like it's personal if they can't get you off. Usually it's not. If I'm not alone there's no telling what will work. Some things work with some people and not with others. There's no sure fire way for me. That doesn't bother me though. I think for men, the be all end all is the orgasm and that's just not true for most women. Some of the best sex I've ever had did not involve me having an orgasm. Anyway just thought I'd overshare a bit this morning.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Take it slow

Things are going well with E, my new guy that I've been dating for ................about a week and a half. It seems much longer than that..........which he says is what happens when two people really click. I really like this one. I know I've said that before but I REALLY do. People have commented that I seem different about this one, that I seem happier and have a bit more of a sparkle in my eye. He's pretty fantastic. He thinks I'm hot and awesome and tells me so on a regular basis. He likes to cook and since I like to eat that works out well :)
I'm really enjoying myself. I'm trying to be well behaved and not over analyze or rush things or get ahead of myself. It's hard cause I like to just dive into things.

My brother, his, and my niece will be here in 3 weeks!!! I'm so excited. You know, I really love my family. Yeah they drive me crazy sometimes but who doesn't? Thanksgiving will be pretty awesome this year. Lots of family and lots of food.

D moved out :( which is sad. It had nothing to do with our friendship which is good. Gizmo is a little lonesome but we're going to schedule some playdates.

So reorganizing the goal is NOT to accumulate more stuff. We'll see how that works out.