Monday, December 28, 2009

A New Adventure

I'm off to New York to visit M tomorrow! I'm so excited!!! Gizmo is off to play in the country and I'm finishing up laundry and packing. I'll post photo updates, don't you worry.

In the last year one of my best friends moved halfway across the country and the other one got married. I've been feeling a little adrift and am kind of just now realizing why. I think I'll be okay though.

I've been spending a lot of time with C here lately. I'm really enjoying myself. Someone asked me where this was going and I don't know and right now I'm not going to think about it too hard. We're officially dating and a few people have referred to her as my girlfriend. And I'm okay with that.

Monday, December 21, 2009


Christmas is in 3 days. I'm looking forward to it mostly because it comes with a week and half off work. One week from tomorrow I'll be in NYC with M for 5 days. SO excited!

I'm dating someone new? Kinda strange and definitely unexpected but in a very good way. I took up with M again but I'll be breaking it off again. I'm not willing to share C and she's not thrilled about sharing me either.

So Scott Leeper (who's this awesome blues guitarist) is playing at Smoke and Barrel on Christmas Eve. I think Mom and I are going to go. And then Christmas Day we're going to go see Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Junior. AND THEN the Starlight Skatium has it's grand opening the day after Christmas. That will be so much fun! C and I went and skated Friday night. The floor is so smooth and amazing. I can't wait to have practice and bouts there.

Friday, December 18, 2009

It Makes My Heart Hurt

My brother is  being deployed today for his second tour in Iraq. He's 22. My brother and I have never been close. I probably resented him from the moment of his birth, taking my place as the baby. There were times living in the same town we didn't see or talk to each other for months. Over the last few years however, we've gotten closer and I definitely appreciate him more and I like to think he appreciates me too.

I can't comment on my brother as a husband or son or friend. He's improved as a sibling. But one thing I can say, is that he adores his daughter, my niece. She is the image of him as a toddler but with more my personality. I love her with all my heart and I know he does too. I can't imagine in what world deploying a unit right before Christmas is a good idea. He will miss L's first Christmas, her first birthday, and her first steps. This is not a world that I like living in. I'm fairly liberal. I'm not pro-military but I don't blame the soldiers that are doing a job because they're not in charge. The army has been the best thing that ever happened to my brother if only because it gave him a new and much needed perspective on life.

My thoughts and prayers for this new year are only that my brother come home to his family safely, all in one piece, with everything that he left with.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Funny tidbit

So there's this married guy who has the hots for me, R. I was super attracted to him.....before I found out he was married. I won't lie, I kissed him a few times and felt semi terrible but I haven't seen him in months. I'm glad he lives in a different town. I saw R Sunday night and he asked how my boyfriend was. I told him that I broke up with E because he didn't ever want to get married or have kids again and those were deal breakers for me. He asked why I didn't stay with him because maybe he'd change his mind. So I said "that would be like me fucking you and hoping you would divorce your wife". He didn't have much to say after that. Muah!

Fa la fucking la

Christmas is right around the corner. It looks like it may just be me and mom this year. I'm okay with that. A nice chill Christmas watching movies, some cocktails, and good food. Then off to New York to see M and enjoy New Years.

Last night several of us went to Tulsa to participate in a charity bout. There were 9 of us from NWARD and girls from several other leagues. We were split up into 4 teams and played a mini tournament. My team won! It was SO much fun. The last game I played was our tournament in Alabama in July. It was a nice warm up for our game in  January against Memphis. It was nice to see my girls again. Can't wait for out 2010 season! It's going to be so ridic.

My love life is complicated. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Not everything is black and white

So I reading this article about lesbians and sexuality and a bunch of other stuff and it got me thinking. A lot of people think of sexuality in absolutes. You're either straight or gay and the people in between (who may or may not identify as bisexual) are "confused" or something. This is super annoying to me. I blogged about this a few months ago but I have a crush on a friend and she has a crush on me and so I started thinking about it again. Most people assume I'm straight and I let them because it's easier and my sexuality is no one's business and I really don't want to have that discussion with most people. M and I had a conversation several months ago about the fluidity of sexuality. I know women who always considered themselves straight until they met a woman they were attracted to.  I know men who were married to women and have kids and are gay. I consider myself bisexual but I kinda really hate that word and the connotations that are associated with it. I don't know who I'll end up spending the rest of my life with. It may be a man, it may be a woman. I just want someone who thinks I'm awesome, amazing and wants to spend the rest of their life with me.

Monday, December 7, 2009


I'm feeling cranky today. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm a little tired from  this weekend but I did get plenty of sleep/rest last night. People are just super annoying me today. They want to give me too much information and the information they want to give me isn't even the right information. Ugh.

I have class tonight hopefully followed by some Super Mario on Wii and a stiff drink.

Two and half weeks until Christmas break, three weeks until New York! I'm counting down the days.

Friday, December 4, 2009

All alone again

E and I finally talked last night. We broke up :( but there wasn't really any way around it. We're going to try and be friends which I think we can do. I hope so. Overall I think we had a good talk.

This what I told him: That I REALLY like him. That when he calls or texts me it makes me smile. That I enjoy spending time with him and being close to him and I like that he doesn't tease me about the big things that bother me but only the small things. But that no marriage and no kids was a deal breaker for me. That there was just no way I couldn't not have kids.  I told him that I thought he was hurt and afraid after the death of his son and his divorce and that I couldn't even begin to understand how he felt but I couldn't wait for him or be in a relationship with him hoping that he would change. That I wasn't in love with him now but that I could be in the future. And I would rather be hurt now than fall in love with him and have my heart broken later.

So I'm single again but I'm not entirely happy with it though it is by choice. I've come a long way in my relationships and I'm rather proud of myself. A few years ago I probably would have stayed just because I really liked him and had my heart broken. Or I would have just cut him off altogether and slowly faded out of his life. We could have avoided this talk for a long time. But I decided that the only way for me to make progress in my relationships emotionally and otherwise was to face this head on. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

NWARD is having a bootcamp this weekend and I'm attending. It'll be nice to have the distraction. And to improve my skating and scrimmage. And see my friends I haven't seen in awhile.