Friday, December 4, 2009

All alone again

E and I finally talked last night. We broke up :( but there wasn't really any way around it. We're going to try and be friends which I think we can do. I hope so. Overall I think we had a good talk.

This what I told him: That I REALLY like him. That when he calls or texts me it makes me smile. That I enjoy spending time with him and being close to him and I like that he doesn't tease me about the big things that bother me but only the small things. But that no marriage and no kids was a deal breaker for me. That there was just no way I couldn't not have kids.  I told him that I thought he was hurt and afraid after the death of his son and his divorce and that I couldn't even begin to understand how he felt but I couldn't wait for him or be in a relationship with him hoping that he would change. That I wasn't in love with him now but that I could be in the future. And I would rather be hurt now than fall in love with him and have my heart broken later.

So I'm single again but I'm not entirely happy with it though it is by choice. I've come a long way in my relationships and I'm rather proud of myself. A few years ago I probably would have stayed just because I really liked him and had my heart broken. Or I would have just cut him off altogether and slowly faded out of his life. We could have avoided this talk for a long time. But I decided that the only way for me to make progress in my relationships emotionally and otherwise was to face this head on. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

NWARD is having a bootcamp this weekend and I'm attending. It'll be nice to have the distraction. And to improve my skating and scrimmage. And see my friends I haven't seen in awhile.


Tyra said...

Good for you! That takes a lot of guts and I know most women would have stuck it out until they got their heart broken. My boyfriend problem is the opposite. He DOES want kids, but I got my tubes tied last December. Oops! Have fun @ bootcamp. Miss you ladies!