Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Throw Down My Heart

So I've been dating J for a month or so. Things were going surprisingly well. I was kind of apprehensive because I'm not used to dating men who treat me well (and aren't crazy or have drama or SOMETHING).

I had been feeling like things were kind of off but it was nothing in particular that I could put my finger on. I wasn't sure it was my gut instincts telling me something was wrong (and my instincts have never steered me wrong once I started listening to them) OR just my own insecurities related to my relationship karma. I've been working on trying to tell the difference. Usually my reaction to issues in a relationship is to cut and run and I'm trying to stop doing that so I don't miss out on someone or something just because I'm scared.

Then, yesterday (which would be Valentine's Day) I felt like things were kind of weird so I asked him what was going on. And he told me that he was thinking about getting back together with his ex. Let me add a note here that we didn't have plans to spend V-day together because of our conflicting work schedules HOWEVER a lady does not like to hear that kind of news on any day much less a holiday that is centered around romantic love.

So here's what I told him. I said that I was pretty awesome and I thought maybe we could be awesome together. There was a reason he broke up with his ex and that if he decided to go back to her there would be no coming back to me. I said that I appreciated his honesty and hoped he would continue to be honest with me whatever happened. I said he could have all the time he needs but there is no guarantee that I would still be around  when he made his decision.

I'm actually pretty proud of myself. In the last few years I have made such a difference in the way I handle all my relationships but in particular my romantic ones. I cried for a few minutes after we got off the phone. It was more principle than anything about him in particular. But. I left myself be in a funk all yesterday and then I let it go. There was a reason I met him and maybe I don't know why yet but I will later. I don't regret any of the relationships I've been in over the past few years (which have been 90% bad). I've learned so much about myself and I know that when I do finally meet and fall in love with whoever I'm meant to be with, they will be grateful for all my past relationships too.

One more step in the right direction.


1in8 said...

I am proud of what you told him! You are awesome indeed!

Cam or Zilla said...


Alice Brody said...

Yeah, I'm gonna say it....what an ASS!!! You should get a medal for how you handled it.